No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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