My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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