my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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