i permit you to call me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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