Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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