I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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