I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize