By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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