If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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