you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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