For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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