I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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