whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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