3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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