I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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