He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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