what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize