franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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