We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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