I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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