I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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