the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So many bounce houses so little time
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
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I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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