Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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