I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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