i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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