And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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