Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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