i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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