Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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