is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize