she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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