before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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