Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
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Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize