I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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