she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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