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I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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