McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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