if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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