I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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