She's JV to your varsity
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize