I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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