Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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pray to the hookup gods
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize