The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My dick has a subreddit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize