you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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