Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't deserve a penis
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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