Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize