Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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