recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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