My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize