he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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